Being in a relationship is tough work. I mean, you have to unlearn some of the habits you have in order for things to flow smoothly.

I am very happy in my relationship. But how I saw it was that if I told my bf I was sad, he had to know what to do to make me feel better. He should know when to listen, when to give advice, when to reassure. That is a lot of resposibility to put on one person.

What I intend to do now is to say what I need. Who would know better than me right?

I was just watching "Till Death do us part"with Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro and I think Dave is so cute. Just the way he talks about her, you can see that he is genuinely in love with her and she with him.

he so cute!!! I want Dave Navarro!!! :P

waaaayy! I have not been to Ambassador in a long time! The last time I went was last year July August. It was ok. I really like Ambassador. Adult crowd, adult music, nobody on scenes and everybody having a nice time.
All now so (around 12oclock) the place is now starting to full up and you scoping out the crowd to see if there are any nice guys in the crowd. But yuh know what sucked?
The few times I went were with guys who really didnt want to dance. A nice looking girl like me and they didnt want to dance, just stand up and looking at the crowd.

LOL
I remember one time I went with this guy and we didnt dance all night. Some fella just came up and started to dance with me and I kinna run to my date nah and started to dance with him. And that was how I got a dance out of him.

Pathetic.

Would you leave your wedding to be planned by other people? That is the premise of a show on TLC called "for better or for worse." yeah I watch a lot of reality shows. :P

So this show got me thinking about weddings..well mine...whenever that will be..if it ever happens. (dont roll your eyes baby!)

Let's talk wedding dress..simple. Something nice and form fitting. NO FRILLS!!!!! and nothing poofy. I dont necessarily want my back outside but it doesnt hurt to be a lil sexy, n'est-ce pas?

Groom could wear what he want.

well my sister has to be my maid of honour. I was hers at her wedding. Bridesmaids..what shall they wear? I like lilac.......

Not a big wedding maybe 40 people. my family isnt that big.....

Yuh know, now that I'm actually thinking about it, this thing requires a lot of time!
I'll get back to you with the plans ;)

So I had a vivid dream earlier today. One where I finally went for my driver's licence. I made the attempt a while ago..and failed..and that failure has just made a steering wheel seem like Krytonite to me. I mean how hard can it be to drive? People younger than me are doing it..why not me huh? I see people who I know make less that me driving cars and that just sux. But when them darn UWI loans are paid up, oh yeah..I'll be another driver on the road.

So 2006 people, 2006......

Gosh..I wasted today..I have assignments up my ass to do and I online.

I admire the relationship that my bf has with his sec school friends. They are really wonderful people; I can understand why he would want to maintan friendships with them. But it doesnt hurt that they live just a few blocks from each other. :P

I had four friends that I used to lime real strong with in BAHS. two didnt go on to sixth form so it was just another friend and I and then while there we kinda roped in another girl. I only talk to one of them really well now and she is in Tampa.
I dont see how hard it is to maintain a friendship. We are all online everyday. what's so hard in just saying aye how yuh going? One admitted that she is horrible at maintaining relationships.
BAH..whatever!

do you think about if u died who would come to your funeral? who would cry?
who would care?

Right now I am reading Chicken soup for the teacher's soul. All I have to say is WOW!
Teachers play such an IMPORTANT role in a student's life. One day I might go to school mad and say something and ruin a child's life forever. Or I might say something uplifting and it might make a child's day.

I dont know what happened over the Carnival weekend, but my problem class 4C were so nice today. I guess it's because some people were missing but also Khareem, the boy who likes to be a clown actually was quiet today! I was really pleased. Also a boy who gives up all the time tried out Radical changing verbs (Do you guys remember that??) and he got all right!

I love my form class. I will miss those boys after they leave. Most people say that they dont like them but i relate to them because they came in the same time as I did in a new school. They are so much fun to talk to.

Then in class today, we didnt have psychology because we didnt prepare work. Today I put two boys in the sun for using " I was absent" as an excuse and here I was, saying the same thing. LOL I'm a bad student

aye!!
I had some of the weirdest dreams in my life this weekend when U took medication for the cold. weird. I dreamt one if the boys in my class dressed up like a girl. WOW!!!

LOL
when I was liming by my bf, one of my co workers passed. i was talking to his mom and a friend of hers. So I hailed her out. Yuh know what she did? she had a cape with her costume and she opened it out and wined fuh me yes!
I hope my bf's mom doesnt think I work with weirdos.
:S

Look at how history is repeating itself eh?? I'm being criticized for what I write in my own space. *sigh*

ANYWAY, Carnival was nice yuh know. I was in town saw some mas, saw some friends of mine and relaxed. I havent gone to one fete yet..next year, i think I will partake yes.

The pressure started when we decided to leave town at a lil after 7. Well I tell you traffic in we skin!! we spent 2 hours in traffic and that was just to turn to go back home. Poor baby! my bf was VEX!! at one point in time I thought he was going to drive up on the pavement, but luckily he didnt.

To anonymous:
thank you very much for your post.
ANd thank you very much Cary.

Last night I went on this whole reminiscing of how I met my bf. LOL

I admit I was a meanie. WOW. From the beginning he was sweet and kind and did everything to make the time I spent with him the best. And what did I do in return? say and do some stoopid things. But yuh know, he stuck by me. He never locked me off or said anything hurtful back. He stuck by me.

ANd he continues to do that up till now. He is always there for me no matter what.

so I thought this cold was going away but it still fighting meh. i want to go in town tomorrow to see the mas so I am fighting it all the way. Wish me luck!!!

I think we all need a lil reminder that we are only here for a time and then we go. I was reminded of that when I heard the report of that 16 y o being murdered. You always think about your parents, your siblings, your friend. But now I have one more person to add to the list...my bf.

I hate watching Nickelback's video "Someday" The premise is the ghost of this girl's bf is following her around and then she gets into an accident and dies and they are reunited.

I dont even want to know what losing someone is like.

So I'm getting the cold. In class on Tuesday, two ppl with the virus were coughing and I felt the bacteria go up into my nose. My nose is stuffy and I have a light cough.
Not this weekend.
I have work to do!!!

last night was rough. I was questioning if I was worthy of having the man that I do.
But I saw him tonight and I cant see myself without him. I just cant.

This is the man who supports in my endeavours. This is the man who makes me feel like I am the sexiest woman in the world. This is the man who listens to me yap and yap at the end of my day.
This is the man who loves me.

so today I went with my class on a field trip to express newspapers. It was interesting for me, but I knw the boys were a lil bored. The best part was when we saw the papers actually being printed..these huge machines producing hundreds of newspapers in minutes. Plus we got free newspapers.
There was a guy accompanying us and the boys noticed that he was kinda gaping. They found it so amusing. But a few of them said that he better stop other wise they would beat him up. Those boys can be terrors at times but they too sweet sometimes.

This morning I was getting ready for work and the phone rang. It was my father's companion. She called to say that he collapsed while she was out last night and she took him to the hospital this morning.
Yuh know, I listened, but I didnt feel any fear or concern for him. In fact I thought sh was calling me to tell me he died.
I feel bad because some people who are not his family are taking care of him. Maybe they say that he has three children and they dont show any concern.
But wait, she had my number to call me to say he's sick but he cant use the phone just to say HI to my brother?
Living with that man was hell. I'm glad my mother doesnt pressure us to call or she's not insisting that we visit. She's leaving the decision to us.
I hope he feels better though.

when I was talking to you earlier, I felt as if you were telling me I'm not doing a good job. You had my best interest at heart when you were giving advice, but I didnt need advice at that time. I needed a listening ear.

Just listen to me.


what did I need to feel better?
It's nothing I could have explained. It's a certain tone in your voice that lets me know u arent upset anymore.
It immediately puts me at ease and I can go to sleep easily. But I didnt hear it just now. I wasnt hearing it.
So I guess I'm in for a long night.......


how do you know you are cut out for a relationship? does everything go smoothly? You dont get angry as much? You dont get frustrated? Are you lovey-dovey all the time? No arguments? No misunderstandings? Do you always know the right thing to say or do to make the other feel better?
what? what makes you ready for a relationship?


Am I?

well a parent came to boof up a teacher today. she walked into the staffroom and she was told to go out..then when she got to see the teacher she started to boff her up. The teacher was in tears after.
Parents believe that we are policemen who are in the classes all the time and can look after their children. we have stuff to do to..like eat, go to the toilet..how about rest?
*sigh*
this job just gets tougher and tougher

I feel blah.
Nothing of major interest happened today.
went to work, went to class, came home.
the only good thing was that we didnt have psychology class because we had to work on our projects.
Group work sucks.

This morning a parent told me that he received a kidnapping threat concerning his son. Just now another parent called me on my cell to ask me about her son. He has not come home as yet and it's raining and it's late.
I am worried and these are not my children. When I have my one child, what will happen? I wouldnt want that child out of my sight.

So my baby just left
*sigh*

It was a great weekend.
My bf went to the grocery for me..and he bought everything on the list!!!
everything and the correct things too. I dont think he knows how much that impressed me. I went through the bags just to make sure. All the stuff was there. He also threw out the garbage too!! hee hee

A cool part was when we were in the kitchen. I was cleaning down the stove, he was making juice and Calypso fiesta was going on. It was memorable.
Back to the grind tomorrow..cake almost done yes!!

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 14TH, 2004:

I rang in my 25th birthday with some sex..some excellent sex...heh heh heh
Of course I woke up to my soft kisses and wishes of happy birthday and happy valentine's day. We had breakfast and my mommy called, my sister called, my niece told me what sounded like Happy birthday. I made out the Happy part. she's so precious eh.
I got texts I got ecards.
So my bf and I made lunch together and it was very nice. I spoiled the baked beans so he had to go buy another tin. In fact he bought two tins just in case I spoiled that one too :s
He sang happy Birthday to me !! how cute!!

the best part for me was when we were watching Channel 16. There was a cooking program and we were watching it and we were just having a nice time. Then we were watching two local Tv shows "turn of the tide" and "calabash alley" and just ketching kicks. It was really nice.
I feel asleep in the couch and he carried me to bed. I felt nice!!!
it was a good day. a really good day!

FRIDAY 13TH FEBRUARY, 2004

Recently the form 3s were reshuffled so I organised a Welcome to 3e lunch. It was really good. We had food, we had drinks, we had dessert and I felt good when people from other classes either wanted to be in my form class or wanted me to be their teacher. I always try to do things for my form class to feel comfortable. I think even the ones who didnt want me to be their form teacher are warming up a bit. It was a whole getting to know one another gathering. 3 boys in my class put up money and bought me a teddy bear. I so totally appreciated that.

My baby was waiting for me when I got home. It was so nice to walk in the door and he was there.

Children are so rude eh..I am teaching my class and I am talking about describing oneself. So to show them an example, I used myself. So I said "what adjectives should I use?" This boy would look to shout out "es fea" Fea means ugly. Well I put him to kneel down outside. Then I was describing David Beckham. This boy would look to say "He is a shithong". I put him to kneel down too.
Damn chirren and dem!!

After I spoke to my bf I went to sleep and I dreamt that I was pregnant. In the dream I was about 6 mnths. I had a big belly already. Usually the word "pregnant" brings a feeling of anxiety, but in the dream I was happy, the people around me were happy. My bf wasnt in the dream but I didnt get the sense that he was not NOT there. And I looked nice..I was glowing and plus I wasnt fat!!! :D

But...enough about that...
:s

To Traci:

When you were going through your trial last year, I felt as if I were part of it. I was feeling frustrated and mad. I mean, my bf and I had a serious discussion about that situation (which kinda ended in an argument)! Fuss I was so mad.

But I remember when you were giving me the drop downtown from TGIF, you were talking about it and there was such calm in your voice. I found that admirable.

I am amazed at the fact that u r in your first year and u r already thinking about Master's. But you went Bishops so that's expected.

Keep up the good work Traci and I wish you all the best in your endeavours.
:D

what did I do wrong?
:'(
it' was like u didnt want to talk to me
:(

To Cary:
I realise these days that you and I have not been having our regular chats and seeing who could be the sappier out of the two of us :P
I also realise that you are under a lot of stress. All that stuff you told me yesterday was an eye opener to me because I never thought of it in that way. I just thought your personal life was private and that's it. I didnt know that different situations required such different behaviours.
I just want to tell you hang in there. One day you will be free to be who you really are. And just know u can talk to me anytime.
:D

I made a booboo today. I normally call my bf to wake him up in the morning. But this morning I didnt. I was so busy today it completely slipped my mind. Then I called him after i gave out the box lunches and after those children harassed me so much. I was on edge and I really wanted to hear his voice. He was sounding so glad to hear me and I was so cold. He was laughing at something and I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I just love you." and I didnt say anything. :(

There were people around and I am just a very private person. I really didnt want them to know my business. It killed the mood that he was in. I didnt mean to....
*sigh*
I love him so much.

Today as I was walking out of school, I really despised not having a car. I really did. I was fantasizing that Kayode had a car and that he could pick me up after school and drop me to class. I'll travel after class. Not a problem.
I should be motivated to go get my licence and I am eh.. but even if I do get it, I dont have anything to drive:(

I got piece of birthday cake from a boy in my form one class. Yeah!!!
Plus I got a sandwich yesterday from a boy's grandmother. I dunno what that woman does put in her bread nah, but that bread tastes better than my mother own yes!!!

I love receiving the early morning phone calls. It's calm and quiet and if I use my imagination fully, i could see him sitting right in front of me, looking at me the way he does that just completely disarms me.
His voice is so full of love. I mean it's always is , but early in the morning..JAH! it makes me weak.
Right now I am remembering a dance he likes to do sometimes.YOu guys should see it....
actually....no you cant. :P

But anyway, he just has me laughing all the time :D
*sigh*

Today I called an old friend and it was cool. I like talking to her. She doesnt have issues like some friends that I have. I think I'll take some steps to reconnecting with some friends of mine. I miss liming with the crew from UWI but we are so scattered about now that it's hard to get together.

I was just reading an old blog that my bf used to write just for me. It's so beautiful.
And the thing is that was back in October. Here's an example:

You give me hope and inspiration for what I want to do with my life. People always tell me that I'm talented, and speculate as to whether I'll be some sort of novelist or politician. I don't know...I still haven't made up my mind about that.
But with everyday that passes, I feel more and more secure in the thought of having you with me, whatever I do.

I told him the other day that if we do get married, that I would be the wife of someone influential. I feel that so strongly. His name is a name you would be hearing for years to come.

I love my boyfriend. I mean, truly love him. I want him to be a part of everything in my life and I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I wish having true love guarantees no arguments or fights, but alas it doesnt.

This is my first major relationship and I am making a lot of mistakes. Like tonight.

Today was such a great day eh. I was getting to see him when I thought I wasnt. PLUS I was horny. so I wanted him. And I did...again and again. We laughed, we talked, we hugged, we ate, we generally had a good old time...till it was time to leave.

I was so upset. I knew that when I was leaving by him, I was going back home to my computer and my TV. I just didnt want to go home to that. And I showed it. But he thought it meant that I wasnt satisfied with the day and that got him frustrated. But luckily we have an agreement that we would never go to bed angry at each other, so we sorted things out.

I love spending time with him..maybe a lil too much. So we are not going to have as many sleepovers. He needs to focus on his work. I went to UWI already...now it's his turn. It will be hard for me but it's what I need to do. This is what my man needs me to do, and I will do it.

This love that we have..I always knew that it wasnt trivial and superficial..but after tonight..this is "the one". This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Dear Destiny:

You went to Bishop Anstey, so I looking out for you. Please dont think I am fas or out of place.
I read your blog last night and I can completely relate to your hesistation. I hesistated myself. I came up with a lot of "good" reasons (at least to me) why a relationship would never work. The age difference was one. Heh..doesnt even factor into to anything.

I know about the chile mother thing. She was the reason why I broke up with my ex in the first place. He never asserted to her that I was in his life and she just got to him. She was always singing the song that she wanted him back. Nothing used to piss me off more. But I guess to appease her he just cut me loose.
Heh that was the best thing he ever did yes.

So girl, just follow your heart. Take your time and make your decision wisely. Who knows?
Just now I might be reading your blog and I might be seeing all kinda lovey dovey ting on it. hee hee

To Destiny:
Once you went Bishop Anstey, you cool in my book (give or take a few people)

While I was reading your blog last night, I was totally identifying with your hesitation. I hesitated myself. I came up with a lot of reasons why a relationship would NEVER work. And I came up with a few "good" reasons...at least to me. But each obstacle could have easily been surmounted.

Girl, Just follow your heart. If you think him having a child is a reason not to get together, then that is your decision. But I will tell you from experience that is hard.
Make sure that he lets this chile mother know that u r in his life now and she has to accept that.
That was something that my ex never did. He wanted me to assert my position..steups..coward.

Dont rush into anything. Take your time. Who knows?
I might be reading your blog just now and I might be seeing all kinda lovey dovey ting too. I will gladly welcome you to the club!
:D

after all that work for my house, we still came last in the standings last I heard and we were beaten in the Tug or war
:(

*sigh*
At times I get a quandry.

When I am feeling bad, the first person I call is my boyfriend. That's a given. He makes me feel SO much better.

Then at times the thought runs through my head: Should I call him? maybe he's sleeping, he's busy, or maybe he just wants to relax and watch some TV or play a game. I think to myself: I was single for a long time. Just because I have a bf, do I really have to call him all the time?

But then, he says he'll take care of me no matter what, so it's ok....
His love has definitely made me stronger and more confident. I was feeling so down today but I called him and he said that he was in my corner and that made me feel so much better.

I'll lean on him. He's big and strong. He can take my weight.

Today was a loooong day
Sports day
I am tired
I have a headache
I just want my baby

today was a trying day. we had TUG OF WAR prelims. Well boy.. yuh know how u always have a house that comes last? well that is my house. So I had to real chain up fellas to pull today..but they pull and we came in to the finals tomorrow!!!

At one point in time, I felt a pain in my chest, like I was pulling but I had to be shouting encouraging things at them all the time not to give up. My throat is sore now.

See all the lengths you have to go thru as a teacher?

Keep your fingers crossed that we dont come last
I cant take the setta talk this time.

Tonight I was dead tired and my brother had to call me a million times to tell me you were outside. I pulled back the curtain and saw you. You were looking toward the road with your hands in your pocket, standing upright and just looking "cool". Immediately I came out of my sleepy state.
I dont think I will ever NOT want to see you. You can come by me anytime and I will always be glad to talk to you, to kiss you, to touch you, for you to touch me (heh heh heh). You are an unselfish, giving man and I love you for that.
this is for you:

BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE by INDIA.ARIE

Whatever it is you came to teach me
I am here to learn it cause
I believe that we are written in the stars
And I dont know what the future holds
But I am living in the moment
And I am thankful for the man you are
You are everything I asked for in my prayer
So I know my angel brought you to my life
Your energy is healing to my soul

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE
YOU ARE INSPIRATION TO MY LIFE
YOU ARE THE REASON WHY I SMILE
YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE

yuh know the boys in my school think i look like an indian with my new haircut?
But the thing is the older boys like it, the younger ones dont. As Kayode pointed out they think that long hair = beauty so that's why they are so upset.
ah well..who cares?? I love it!

I look a lil older and mature..with that long hair I used to look young.

I'M PROUD OF YOU BABY!!!

:D

I am truly liking my classes now. I like the discussions and I learn more that way

Today I was shocked with some bad news. My lecturer and her husband separated.
She used to talk about her husband so lovingly in class that it was a shock to hear that she separated. This was her third marriage. I never saw it coming.
I was so stunned I needed counselling yes!

Being a relationship is a lot of work. It's nice to have someone to call or have someone call you, but it's more than that.
so much more.
it's scary at times how much I love him. I just look at him and sometimes tears just run out...look..my eyes are teary all now as I type this.

*sigh*

steups

I dunno nah
I need an objective point of view because right now I am a bit annoyed..not too much but my happy go lucky mood has changed...

steups