Death is on my mind a lot.
Every little pain I get, I think I have some kind of disease or some kind of cancer. I worry about my family, if they are healthy or safe. I worry about my boyfriend to the point where I think I am nagging him.

With my father's death, I had to prepare myself for it. Everytime the phone rang, I always thought it was THE phonecall. I was relieved when it wasnt. Thing is, he had to suffer. Despite all the shit he did, I wouldnt have wanted him to die the way that he did, and it still makes me sad, even as I type this. He died in the hospital, alone, kinda like how he lived his life.

Now with Darryn's death, in no way, form or fashion was I prepared for that. He wasnt my closest friend, but I will never forget that Christmas he called me when I was all alone. He died on an operating table from all reports. That shit is just fucked up.

*sigh*

I just want to sleep.