I just found out that my father is in the hospital and that the ward he is in means that he is on his last stretch. Plus my sister said that she had a dream where someone told her the same thing. Then adding to the fact that just this week I actually spoke about my father probably are lil nudges from God to tell me to do something.

I dont want to go see him. From what my brother told me, his face and leg are all swollen. I dont want that to be my last image. Considering what happened yesterday where I was actually contemplating if I should stay in teaching, this is a hell of a lot to deal with at this time.

I'm a strong person and if this week were a normal week, I probably would have gone, but I'm weak. I cant deal with this right now. I really cant. My brother-in-law said to go even if it's tokenism. That's not me. I dont do things just because.....whenever I do anything, it's because I want to do it.

What would I really say? What could I say?

"Thanks to you I dont take one sip of alcohol for fear of becoming an alcoholic? Thanks to you I have to constantly get my sugar levels tested? Thanks to you, I had NO self confidence whatsoever and was taken advantage of because of it and I had to find it in my 24th year of life?
When I was in the hospital for bronchitis, YOU never came to see...just my mother. My mother was the one who sat with me and brought me books to read and my favourite pyjamas when I was scared to be there. Where were you? How hard was it to be nice to your children? huh?
How hard was it to take my brother to football matches and cricket games? "


So you see, maybe it's best I dont go......