My family is a disjointed one at best: My brother and I live here, my sister and her family lives there, my mother lives away and who knows where my father is?
I have always been the black sheep of the family. I was never a talkative person and my mother didnt like that. She used to call me "secret order" because I didnt tell her things like when I had a headache. In my head, I just didnt think it was important enough to tell her. I was never close to my mother. Never one to go to her and say "Mommy, I have a problem. Can I talk to you?" And I know why I dont..she reacts negatively too much. She doesnt listen very well and just reacts.
So I used to keep things to myself. Just sweep it under the carpet...until all that I had bottled up inside just finally had to come out..and surely it did..at the worst time.
When things bother me, i try to talk about it with someone. I used to talk to my friends about it but...our friendship has gone a different route.
Anyway, back to being a black sheep. I loved my solitude. My family never understood that,and they still dont, but at times I just had to be my myself, just had to. I still do that up to this day. If you were to ever go to a party with me, you would observe that I would just be quiet, taking in the crowd. I just need to be alone, yuh know?
I dont like being alone, but at times it's cool to be....
what's the point of all this, you may ask? Honestly, I dont know nah...lol
I just look back at my life and I would admit that it wasnt all that.It wasnt bad, but it could have been better.
That's why when I get older I want to have a family with a man that I truly and deeply love and do it DIFFERENTLY. My child would feel love all the time, never doubt. And of course the man that I have children with must show his love for them too. I dont know why but a father's love is so important.
Or who knows..maybe history will repeat itself and I'll end up with an alcoholic who doesnt show his children the time of day and who demeans them whenever he can.
*sigh*
I have always been the black sheep of the family. I was never a talkative person and my mother didnt like that. She used to call me "secret order" because I didnt tell her things like when I had a headache. In my head, I just didnt think it was important enough to tell her. I was never close to my mother. Never one to go to her and say "Mommy, I have a problem. Can I talk to you?" And I know why I dont..she reacts negatively too much. She doesnt listen very well and just reacts.
So I used to keep things to myself. Just sweep it under the carpet...until all that I had bottled up inside just finally had to come out..and surely it did..at the worst time.
When things bother me, i try to talk about it with someone. I used to talk to my friends about it but...our friendship has gone a different route.
Anyway, back to being a black sheep. I loved my solitude. My family never understood that,and they still dont, but at times I just had to be my myself, just had to. I still do that up to this day. If you were to ever go to a party with me, you would observe that I would just be quiet, taking in the crowd. I just need to be alone, yuh know?
I dont like being alone, but at times it's cool to be....
what's the point of all this, you may ask? Honestly, I dont know nah...lol
I just look back at my life and I would admit that it wasnt all that.It wasnt bad, but it could have been better.
That's why when I get older I want to have a family with a man that I truly and deeply love and do it DIFFERENTLY. My child would feel love all the time, never doubt. And of course the man that I have children with must show his love for them too. I dont know why but a father's love is so important.
Or who knows..maybe history will repeat itself and I'll end up with an alcoholic who doesnt show his children the time of day and who demeans them whenever he can.
*sigh*
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